some kind of wonderful.

Last night as I laid in bed with Emma chatting about her day, she told me that she wanted to cut all of her hair off for Locks of LOVE.  I was not ready for this!  I love her long hair.  At the same time, I knew how much she loves her long hair.  She wanted me to get up right then and there, at 10pm and cut it all off.  I told her maybe she could get up in the morning, wash her hair, and then we'd see about cutting it before school...if there was time.

This morning she was the first one out of bed, showered, and waiting in the kitchen for me to cut off her long locks for love.

She has short hair now...and I love her all the more for it...

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fearless. LOVE.

I'm a mess.

I didn't know I'd cry this much.

I didn't even try to wear mascara today.

I knew this day was coming...it's why I took this last year off from my business.  A kind of self-imposed sabatical.  I didn't want to miss a minute.  And even now with the house quiet and no kids here...it still wasn't enough time.  I'm figuring it never will be.   There's no Gracie in the next room singing to herself some made up song about "I love flowers and Strawberry Shortcake dancing...dancing...dancing and the day is so sunny and I'm so happy.  I love my mama, yes, I do."  Some crazy song about nothing and everything that made me smile.  It's just silent.  She's not running in to me from the other room to give me a random really tight neck popping hug just because she was suddenly filled with love out of the blue and had to share it with someone.

I'm certainly not saying everyday is butterflies and roses...we have plenty of days when they're not and for sure by the end of the summer my kids were at each other's throats a lot more than they were when the summer began.  The thing is once those days are past and I'm looking back...it's the butterflies and roses days that I hold on to.

For some reason you think when the kids finally get to school you'll be so grateful for the peace and quiet that you've earned after 12 years of having at least one child at home with you during the day

After a summer of noise. noise. noise. it's very quiet. quiet. quiet.  And even though I know there's a lot of silver linings to this new development, phase, stage of my life...today I'm sad and a bit melancholy and I've cried many tears that keep coming without warning.  .  Yesterday, I stood in the shower trying to get the tears to stop because I had kids chanting for me out in the car because they were so excited to get to Target to pick out a school outfit out and go to back to school night...enthusiasm and excitement were at their peak and I didn't want my tears to put a damper on the day.  So as I drove to Target I had tears silently slip down my cheeks unbidden by me.

And now as I write this they well up again as I try to keep them at bay. 

Last night as I lay with Emma just as she was trying desperately to fall asleep, we were talking about the first day of school.  She said to me, "I hope you don't cry, Mom."  And I said, "I'll try not to."  She said, "I don't want you to cry, it makes me sad."  I tried to reassure her, "I'm only sort of sad.  I'm so happy about the beautiful, sweet, compassionate, and wonderful people you are all growing up to be."  And she hugged me really tight and unknowingly squeezed more salty water from my eyes and she whispered, "I want you to be happy, Mom.  I love you soooo much."  And she showered me with love and kisses.

I'm all about having independent children.  It's what I've raised them to be...they've made me proud.  And yet...when it comes down to it I want them to stay little.  I want them to need me.  To look over their shoulder and give me a little smile.  To run back to the car, throw their arms around me as tight as they can and kiss me like crazy and say, "I'll stay with you Mama and I'll never grow up." 

It's so bittersweet to have them walk on their own.  Be grown up. 

And for some Mom-only-knows-reason I want it to happen...I'll just have salty water running down my cheeks while they put on their favorite first day of school dress, throw on their backpack, and walk into their class or their school (since walking Emmett to class is now out of the question) without looking back.

To my sweet children...I love you.  Please know that as you go out into the world that I'm here.  Right here.  I believe in you more than you know.  I love you more deeply than you can comprehend.  You are the only you on this planet and, even though I love you for reasons innumerable, I'd love you for that one reason alone...

And even though it seems like I'm sad...I'm throwing out confetti on this day just for you...

new. LIFE. 

planned dating.

Mike and I go on a date every Friday or Saturday night.  Dates help me through out the rest of the week.  I love them.  Can't live without them.  People ask me how I manage to go out on dates...I wonder how they can manage to NOT go on a date.

I think that dates are marriage insurance.  They protect your marriage and save you money...in therapy.  We get to talk, have fun, be together without our kids, let our kids know that we love each, keeps me sane, and have fun...oh wait!  I already said have fun.

And it's romantic and exciting and living to have fun!

So our date tonight was the picture above.  I'm going to be fast posting this because well...we're not done having fun tonight.  Mike just took our babysitter home...

We went to a five-and-dime store in town and got some fun (and politically incorrect) games.  It was raining like crazy so we found a newly built strip mall and played undercover of their awning to keep us dry.  We had fun laughing, being silly, and acting like kids.  We played capture the bowling ball pin and used our guns to defend our bowling ball pins (after we had already bowled using every possible silly stance we could think of to throw our balls down the lane...).  We made playdoh sculptures that looked like nothing and then made up what we thought they looked like...crazy imagination stuff. 

Competitions galore with the pink bouncy balls.  We tried to see who could do the most bounces, then who could do the most bounces without moving their feet, then who could bounce back and forth between hands without missing a catch, then we tried to beat a brick wall by seeing how  many times we could bounce the balls off the brick wall to each other.  Good times.

It was a great date!

We have a little theme every week to keep it fresh.  This week was a date for under $10.  Our next date is sports and fitness.

So get out, get a babysitter, and go have some fun together.

And don't forget the Big League Chew and make sure to stick that  folded up package of gum in your back pocket for full-kid-fun-effect.

And kiss...a lot.

dating. LOVE.

party time.

You're probably wondering if I'm ever going to be done posting pictures from Gracie's party...I can't promise anything. :)

The girls made princess crowns with jewels and flowers and all kinds of fun little sweet things.  They each planted flowers because that's what Strawberry Shortcake does...she grows a garden.

She also bakes like crazy so each of the girls decorated their own little cake...with as much frosting as humanly possible. 

And then when knocked Strawberry Shortcake silly...because she was a pinata.

I love the look of surprise when the candy finally started to fall out...and the scramble for candy.

Gracie loved the party tht she planned.  "It was the best day."

fun day.

*tell a friend*

getting ready.

Since Gracie's birthday was about flowers and butterflies and Strawberry Shortcake and princesses we incorporated flowers into the decorating and sat around making tissue paper flowers for the entire week before her party.  I attempted a Strawberry Shortcake cake decoration job.  And it's definitely not superb or even very good or mediocre...but Gracie thought it was the best ever.  And that's enough for me.

We had so much fun getting ready for this party.  The girls and I sat around the table talking and making flowers and then we baked Gracie's cake and laughed until everyone was just too tired to do any more...and then I stayed up until 4am finishing everything up...yes, I'm insane.

I can't help it.  I love a good party.

fun. LIFE.

*tell a friend*