Brandon.

I photographed Brandon back in January.  I'm grateful for the brief but lasting opportunity I had to be with him and his sweet family.

Brandon passed away Sunday morning after fighting cancer for over 4 years.

There are so many words that describe this brave boy and his selfless family.

Courage

Kindness

Perservance

Goodness

Faith

Strength

Great trust in the Lord

LOVE.

They've all been through more in the last 10 years than most families go through in a lifetime.  They've all done it with grace and graciousness and they keep giving love and kindness. 

Brandon has been a gift to more people than can be counted.

Thank you, Brandon, Christy, Don, Ellie, and Dylan.

**Memorials may be made in memory of Brandon to Greene Funeral Home Northwest Chapel, PO Box 37537, Rock Hill, SC 29732.

sweet. LOVE.

you are lucky to be so creative.

I've had people say this to me many times. The thing is...we all have it within us to create something amazing and beautiful. I've believed that for a long time...and this clip backs me up on that belief. :)

We are ALL creative.

Last week, I had someone write me a heartfelt letter.  I wrote a lengthy note in return and in that note I wrote these few sentences:

"All of us have been through similar things and at the same time we all have a different set of circumstances. You are a woman of strength with something special and unique to bring to the table of life. Trust in that. Believe that you have something that no one else does that will bless the people around you.  You have special gifts, find them, nurture them, and believe YOU."

I'm including them here because I believe that all of us have creative potential within us.  There is a beauty within each person that is different from all the rest.  Women all express that differently. 

Maybe it's in the way you have patience with a child, the perspective from which you see the world, the way you can always say the right thing, the ability to be a diplomat in difficult situations, the way you see color, the magical way you put clothes together, that you can manage to get 3 loads of laundry, dinner on the table, and a baby diaper changed all at the same time, when you teach, people are touched by what you say and moved to action, you sense immediately when a person's mood changes and know what to do, you know when not to speak and when to listen....

All of these things and more are ways we create...art, relationships, happy homes, beauty, love, understanding, hope, giving...

Believe YOU.  Believe that you are creative.  Give into the part of you that wishes you were creative and know that you already are.  Start to see it... 

creative. LIFE.

*Share this with a friend*

comparing and other disastrous things.

Artists in general seem to always be looking for a way to perfect their craft.  There always seems to be something just beyond the horizon that is constantly just out of reach.  Photographers suffer in large part from the same terrible yet beautiful elusiveness as well.

Combine that with being a woman and it seems to have a double trouble affect.

So often it's easy to start comparing ourselves against someone else's best, someone else's life, their art, their travels, their bank account, their home, their kids, their photo shoots.  The amount of things to compare are just endless.

We start to measure our worth based on how many bookings we have this year, how good our last photo shoot was, if our kids or theirs are more well behaved or less well behaved, how many comments we get on a certain post, or what we weigh.

If we let it, all of these things can outshine all of the good we are doing.  Comparing ourselves to others and finding ways to measure our worth based on the things we do will never manage to bring us any kind of joy or happiness.

Some days I have to consciously remind myself that I am on a different journey than friends..friends who are doing the newest trends in photography, home schooling their kids, giving their time to the community, and turning out cool lighting in photo shoot after photo shoot.

For me, this year is not about all of the external things that I can do to change the way I shoot... lighting, a new camera, the new couch, the new blog.  It's about an internal search for a more intimate, meaningful  family, business life, and eventually, photo shoots and weddings.

What I am doing is loving my life just as it is...loving this crazy journey that I'm on.  No comparing.  No measuring. No silliness like that.

There are days when I wonder if I've made the right choice to wait on my business for a while.  I wonder if I'm missing too much in the industry and if it's going to pass by without me...

And then I remember that what I really want are butterfly moments. Moments when I'm around to see my children transform, grow up, change, and start to spread their wings.  Over the past few months I've read with my kids, been available for my kids when they get home from school, played Strawberry Shortcake and friends, Polly Pockets (these days will not last much longer), heard about lego competition, been the home room party mom, spent many mornings and afternoons with Miss Grace, heard burping competitions, laughed more, taken more walks in the evenings, taken more walks in the mornings, and spent more Saturdays working with my sweet little family, and so much more.  The pace of my life has slowed down.  And I'm happy with that.  I know it won't last.  Fall will come and things will change.  Grace will go to school all day...and for me, I want the butterfly moments to stay.

At that point there will be another butterfly moment...when everything changes.  I'll be getting my business to be full time again, Grace will spread her wings, my life will be very different.  There will not be my sweet girl at home with me all day...just the two of us.  I will not get to hear her in a quiet house talking to herself about what fun it is to go to Strawberry Shortcake's house or 'reading' a book that she makes up the entire plot for and as she reads having her say her favorite line from Clarice Bean, "Not naming any names.  i.e. Grace Grapello ".  Those times are reserved for the hours when it is just she and I alone at home.  There will be less hugs, less spontaneous shows of affection, less blurted out "I love yous".  Things will change.  A milestone will pass.

And I know what I really want is:

for my kids not to pass by without me.

for my kids to remember when they are grown that I laughed a lot with them

for my kids to remember that I played in the woods and threw a frisbee in the road with them

for my kids to have moments all around them that remind them that I like to be with them

for my kids to know that they bring me joy everyday

for my kids to know that I love them more than my business and my computer

for my kids to have summer vacations that include me

to be in pictures with my kids

to see the simple beauty in my life as it is

to have time for homework after school and not seem distracted by my email box

to sit on the couch at night with my husband and not worry about what needs to be done

to have a calm heart and a quiet mind

There is a lot to compare my life and my business up against.  People are doing all kinds of cool things.  The photography industry is moving at a mind-boggling speed.

We all want to know that we're doing the right thing.  Of course, when we make choices those choices don't just affect us...they affect everyone around us...we hope they affect those people for the best.

I have a lot of butterfly days these days.  And I really love them...

even if everything else just passes me by for now...

happy. LIFE.

after everyone is gone.

I love the way the house is so silent once everyone has left for the day.  The hustle and bustle of the morning, coaxing sleepy children out of bed, spilled milk while lunches are made, laughing over silly things, anxious concerns about the day have been talked about, kids have made a run for it as the bus comes around the corner and now there are no voices.  Only calm after the storm of the beginning of day. 

When I get home from my morning walk before I sit down to write I usually walk around the house just pushing silverware and toothpaste drawers back into cupboards, picking up wet towels from showers, putting brushes back into bins, and starting laundry or putting away cereal.

I love to see the beds and blankets and pillows all jumbled up on the bed in a pretty mess.  It reminds me of nudging my warm and sleepy kids from their dreams and coaxing them into the new day as gently as I can.  I love the way my kids have that sweet smell and warmth from sleeping as they come down to eat breakfast and hug me.  I love mornings with my kids and Mike, they are a kind of routine crazy chaos that we go through every morning.

When I walk through our quiet house after everyone is gone and see unmade beds it reminds me of how much I love my mornings...even if they come earlier than they used to...

beautiful. LIFE.