Do you measure up?
Davina
21 Comments
comparing and other disastrous things.
Artists in general seem to always be looking for a way to perfect their craft. There always seems to be something just beyond the horizon that is constantly just out of reach. Photographers suffer in large part from the same terrible yet beautiful elusiveness as well.
Combine that with being a woman and it seems to have a double trouble affect.
So often it's easy to start comparing ourselves against someone else's best, someone else's life, their art, their travels, their bank account, their home, their kids, their photo shoots. The amount of things to compare are just endless.
We start to measure our worth based on how many bookings we have this year, how good our last photo shoot was, if our kids or theirs are more well behaved or less well behaved, how many comments we get on a certain post, or what we weigh.
If we let it, all of these things can outshine all of the good we are doing. Comparing ourselves to others and finding ways to measure our worth based on the things we do will never manage to bring us any kind of joy or happiness.
Some days I have to consciously remind myself that I am on a different journey than friends..friends who are doing the newest trends in photography, home schooling their kids, giving their time to the community, and turning out cool lighting in photo shoot after photo shoot.
For me, this year is not about all of the external things that I can do to change the way I shoot... lighting, a new camera, the new couch, the new blog. It's about an internal search for a more intimate, meaningful family, business life, and eventually, photo shoots and weddings.
What I am doing is loving my life just as it is...loving this crazy journey that I'm on. No comparing. No measuring. No silliness like that.
There are days when I wonder if I've made the right choice to wait on my business for a while. I wonder if I'm missing too much in the industry and if it's going to pass by without me...
And then I remember that what I really want are butterfly moments. Moments when I'm around to see my children transform, grow up, change, and start to spread their wings. Over the past few months I've read with my kids, been available for my kids when they get home from school, played Strawberry Shortcake and friends, Polly Pockets (these days will not last much longer), heard about lego competition, been the home room party mom, spent many mornings and afternoons with Miss Grace, heard burping competitions, laughed more, taken more walks in the evenings, taken more walks in the mornings, and spent more Saturdays working with my sweet little family, and so much more. The pace of my life has slowed down. And I'm happy with that. I know it won't last. Fall will come and things will change. Grace will go to school all day...and for me, I want the butterfly moments to stay.
At that point there will be another butterfly moment...when everything changes. I'll be getting my business to be full time again, Grace will spread her wings, my life will be very different. There will not be my sweet girl at home with me all day...just the two of us. I will not get to hear her in a quiet house talking to herself about what fun it is to go to Strawberry Shortcake's house or 'reading' a book that she makes up the entire plot for and as she reads having her say her favorite line from Clarice Bean, "Not naming any names. i.e. Grace Grapello ". Those times are reserved for the hours when it is just she and I alone at home. There will be less hugs, less spontaneous shows of affection, less blurted out "I love yous". Things will change. A milestone will pass.
And I know what I really want is:
for my kids not to pass by without me.
for my kids to remember when they are grown that I laughed a lot with them
for my kids to remember that I played in the woods and threw a frisbee in the road with them
for my kids to have moments all around them that remind them that I like to be with them
for my kids to know that they bring me joy everyday
for my kids to know that I love them more than my business and my computer
for my kids to have summer vacations that include me
to be in pictures with my kids
to see the simple beauty in my life as it is
to have time for homework after school and not seem distracted by my email box
to sit on the couch at night with my husband and not worry about what needs to be done
to have a calm heart and a quiet mind
There is a lot to compare my life and my business up against. People are doing all kinds of cool things. The photography industry is moving at a mind-boggling speed.
We all want to know that we're doing the right thing. Of course, when we make choices those choices don't just affect us...they affect everyone around us...we hope they affect those people for the best.
I have a lot of butterfly days these days. And I really love them...
even if everything else just passes me by for now...
happy. LIFE.
Reader Comments (21)
Don't EVER wonder if you are doing the right thing. Davina, you SOOOO are!! Like you said, you can never get this time back with your kids and it is SO awesome that you have slowed down to focus on the more important things in life.
AMEN, sister! I love the saying "don't compare your thorns to another person's rose"... I'm so hard on myself... I do that all the time. Hate myself for not baking bread, but not giving myself credit for some of the awesome things I do. This business has complicated the guilt even more... I love how you're always here to remind us what is really important... and to show us that you can do both, but with care and thought and intention. Thanks, love.
I'm with ya. Thank you for your eloquence.
I needed that...thank you!
Hmmm... I love reading these wonderful posts from you. Thanks Davina.. hey I am headed to South Florida. Who knew? :) Closer to you. well kinda!!
A much needed reminder. Thank you for taking the time to say what we all know is true, but are afraid to admit. It brings such freedom just knowing that we are all unique and that's okay.
Great post! Thanks for putting all of that into words.
POWERFUL post, Davina!!!!! Just the other day I wondered if you'd get back into the busy swing once you settled into life after a move .... but THIS .... is beautiful! You GO GIRL!
Beautiful!
Beautiful!
Thank you!
Your words really hit home with me today...the industry is changing at a frightening speed and lately I have had to just step back and remember why I love photography as much as I do. That it's not about the latest and greatest action recipe or the best photography blog but for me loving the peace inside of myself when I'm behind the camera, that is why I do this. Thanks Davina for reminding us of how important our families are and to just remind ourselves to step out of the fast lane and enjoy the laughter and love of those who surround us.
This is EXACTLY what I needed to read today... exactly the internal journey I've been on... exactly why I have to remind myself to slow down and calm the WANTS and wait and have faith that everything has a season. Thank you for your words, which moved me to tears. Good luck on your important, eternal path. Your kids will thank you!
What a beautiful post, thank you for sharing.
Wonderful post Davina! I am really bad about comparing myself to other photographers and you helped to remind me to just be myself behind the camera and stop trying to be like somebody else. Thanks for being such a continued inspiration to me. May you be blessed by butterfly moments for the rest of your life!
And this is why I follow your blog, aside from the fact that you are a phenomenal photographer. I love your perspective. In fact, it was so hard to decide between a Day with Davina and Love Affair this spring. My husband really wanted me to come and spend the day with you. ( He loves your perspective too!). But, since you guys are coming to my city (yay!) I am coming to Love Affair for now and hope to spend time with you later. Thank you for making these hard choices. We all benefit. One of my dear friends lost her son this week and it has been a tragic time for us all. She will never regret the time she spent pouring into his little heart.
Blessings, Davina. You are doing it right.
you inspire me davina, thank you for these posts to remind us of what's really important in life:)
Rebekah, thank you so much for the affirmation and assurance. I really appreciate it!
Shannon, isn't that so true. We love to do completely unfair comparisons when we do them. Say no to guilt!
Laura, thanks for reading!
Lizzy, I'm so glad it was helpful to you. It was a little scary to put it out there and I'm so thankful for the response and that it's helped others.
Sajini, thank you! You're moving back to the states??? Florida, that is closer. Mike and I were just talking about how fun it would be to visit down there some day soon....
Rebecca, so true!
Erin, you're welcome. Thanks for coming to my blog.
Karen, THANK YOU! I love having you on my blog.
Amy, thank you!
Danita, what are we going to do about spring break?
Erin, so well said. Thank you for letting me know that this post hit home for you. We are all so connected!
Emily, the wants can be way to loud, can't they?! ugh. There's so much more to life though. It's fun that we're on the same type of journey!
Sarah,thank you for reading...
Mandi, that comparing can be such a spiral downward. You have such beautiful things to offer the world.
Mary Anne, I'm glad that we'll get to meet at Love Affair!! Thank you so much for telling me why you follow my blog. I'm so glad that you get so much from it. That means a lot to me. How sad to hear about your friend's son...I'm so glad to hear that she will have come comfort to know that she poured so much love into him. I'm hoping I'll pour that kind of love into my own children. Thank you for the assurance that I'm doing it right. It's so appreciated!
Abby, you're welcome!
Davina, you are my hero! Thanks for being the kind of wife and mom to my kids that I dreamed of but never really thought was possible. You are my eternal companion and I am so grateful...I love you.