too much time here.

Over the last week Grace and I have been together a lot.  And not always under the best of circumstances.  I think that she may be feeling better and I'm so glad about that.  Of course, I'm just keeping my fingers crossed hoping that it's really true.

All of you have been so wonderful and I've gotten some really sweet and thoughtful emails filled with concern and help and I can't even say how grateful I am to each of you.  I'm blessed.

Here's to all of the moms out there who have:

*stayed up at night with a sick child

*cleaned up puke off the wall...and the toliet...and the pjs...and the bed...and yourself

*washed a toliet so that the person that is putting their face it won't get even more sick because you haven't cleaned it in way too long

*wiped snot from a child's face and then wiped it on your own clothes or the grass while you were at the park without a tissue

*sat on the floor of a nasty bathroom to change a diaper or feed a baby

*bribed your child with ice cream to get them to do what you wanted them to

*said "because I'm the mom, that's why"

*gone to check on your child in the middle of the night just to make sure they are still breathing

*read Clifford the Big Red Dog at least 139 times

*walked in a room to see your child naked except for a diaper and painted like a lion...and the walls full of a little 2 year old's art

*looked out the front window to see your child in the street and had a panic attack

*been woken up by a child at 3am with a fever and stayed up at least 1/2 the night trying to bring it down

*heard your children giggling wildly in the next room and peeked around the corner to see what was going on

*made dinner with a child attached to your leg

*walked into a room and asked, "who made this mess?"  and had all of your kids say, "Not me!" and you know it wasn't YOU

*opened the fridge to eat that delicious piece of dessert you were planning to eat and found that someone else beat you to it

*cuddled next to a sweet little missie and had her say to you, "you're the best mom in the whole wide world.  I love you soooooooooooo much!"

*had little arms wrapped around your neck that wouldn't let go

*and had slobbery kisses from gooey mouths.

Here's to all of you...and here's to knowing that there's not a moment in the bunch that we want to trade.

good. LIFE.

sick missie.

ETA:  Stay tuned tomorrow (Jan. 15th) for the first installment of the Women and Business series!!

I was hoping to do a much more elaborate post of the self portrait work that I've been working on. However, the pictage ask and learn went longer than I planned and shortly after it was over my little Miss G woke up and was feeling her tummy rumbling again. In the past week and 1/2 or so she hasn't been feeling well.

Except the not feeling well is not consistent. Gracie hasn't felt sick for 10 days straight. Whatever she has just seems like it just keeps coming and going.  I can't figure out if she is really all of the way better.

Is my mom-sense totally off? 

She's thrown up a number of times and they don't seem to be linked to anything in particular.

We've spent a lot of time on the couch me holding her and her feeling miserable.

Then she'll seem like she's done with it.

She'll be back to herself, playing, laughing, reading, and going to school. This time she seemed like she was completely better. She hadn't thrown up since two nights ago. She went to school today. Had a great day. Said she felt great. And I was relived that everything looked like it was over.

Now...tonight something is back...not sure what.

We just spent a long time in the bathroom while she sat at the toliet waiting to throw up. Nothing except a lot of stomach gurgling and a lot of burping. Now she's sleeping on the couch next to me...and that took some coaxing. She didn't want to leave the bathroom for fear she may puke.

So...I'm not sure what they night ahead is going to be like. Or what is going on with Grace.

This is definitely a mom life...crouching by a toliet, holding someone's hair, and whispering sweet things in their ear.  Holding someone on the couch and hoping that your arms will somehow bring relief.

unsure. LIFE.

the real thing.

I've got some new projects in the works this month.  One of them will be launching on Thursday and you won't want to miss it...especially if you're a mom with a business (hint:  I'm in cahoots with some other women).

The other project is me.  After seeing my friend, Kelly Moore, do an stunning self portrait session I decided that there just aren't enough pictures in the world of me for my kids.  There aren't pictures of the every day, mundane things that I do with them...the things that really mean something...the things that if they didn't happen or if I wasn't here they'd be missed the most.  A lot of it is just me being a mom, me just being around, me just being here.  Doing the same ol' ol'.

Really, though, life is made up of the just being there for someone...through the ins and the outs, the ups and the downs.  So I want my kids to see that I've been there in the little ways...that we've had fun together, that I've done the being there things.  I also just want them always be able to see me in case for some reason they don't.  I don't want to be just this faceless person on the other side of the camera that came out from behind it for the occassional shot.

So...this month is about self portraits of me doing what I do every day.  I won't always look pretty or cute or whatever.  But it will be me doing what I do to just to get through the day.

So tonight I made cookies for the kids and we read.  We actually finished The Giver tonight and I have to admit I got a little choked up.  We had big conversations about the ending and I loved sitting around talking about it.  I love that when we read my kids end up just all over the place around me...especially when we read on a Sunday after church.

Because we have a 40 minute drive to church these days the kids always bring the book we've been reading so that I can read it in the car.  When we get home from church I never do get out of my dress because we walk in the door and they are already saying, "Don't stop Mom!  Keep reading!  We have to know what's going to happen!"  So I sit on the couch and read and read.  The kids lay around me and eventually we finish and then we talk about it the rest of the night.

Tomorrow the kids will each probably come up to me at some point in the day and talk to me about Jonas and baby Gabe and do I really think that the book ended....(I won't say HOW it ended for those of you who are going to read it...and you totally should!).  But they will talk about it tomorrow...and I love the talking.  I love that they think and wonder about the characters in the books we read.  I love that they're concerned and that they want the people we've come to love to feel the things that they feel.

It's beautiful.  I loved sitting around the table eating cookies and just being together. 

So...here's me today...still in my Sunday dress...reading and making cookies...feeling like I just had a perfect episode of "Leave it to Beaver"- with- June- Cleaver- Sunday -afternoon.

perfect. LIFE.

first kiss.

It was 15 years ago yesterday, November 11th, that Mike and I had our first kiss together.  It's hard to believe that the time has gone so quickly and at the same time I can hardly remember my life or a memory with out him in it.  What a wonderful life!

We were both going to college at BYU.  I had just come home from a mission and so had he.  I was serious about getting a degree and studying and becoming the 'A' student I had never been (I've always LOVED learning but school is not the way my brain works...).  I had decided that I didn't want to date much.  I wanted to find an awesome thing to study and become really accomplished. 

Well...I ended up getting asked out all of the time...way more than I did when I was a freshman and I was going out a lot and also getting some really good grades.  Things were going really well...except for this one guy that every girl in my building seemed to love to hang out with.  He'd come over to my apartment a few times and I had totally been rude to him...hoping he would get the hint.  He didn't, and I'm so glad.

One day I made dinner for a whole bunch of friends and at the last minute invited Mike over.  He was the only one who stayed to help with the dishes and I was hooked.  We started spending all kinds of time talking and going everywhere together but I had no idea I wanted to spend ALL of my life with him.  I thought he was a great friend and he was wonderful to talk to about real things.

I finally got a clue and and we've been together ever since.

Mike has been such a gift to me in so many ways. He is giving, thoughtful, kind, and encouraging.  He's amazing at seeing problems from a grounded perspective and he's understanding when I'm feeling overwhelmed.  He always wants to know how he can help.  He gives me his time, his listening ear, his thoughtful words, his heart, and so much more. 

There will never be enough words to say how much I love him or ways to show how blessed I am to have him in my life.  More than I really know, he does things for me that I don't see...and I feel like I never say well enough what his love has done to me.  It's given me strength when I thought I didn't have any left, given be sight when I was blinded, and hope when I was down, and joy that makes me feel as though I may burst at the seams.

Every year for Christmas we try to give each other a gift of meaning...something from our heart.  A few years ago Mike made me this book, "A Life of Love"...and it's seen a lot of love (as you can see from the cover).  It's one of the kids' favorite books and definitely one of my favorite books.  I love the stick people and the sweet simplicity of the text and the ideas.  There is so much of Mike...of us...in this book.

I am so lucky.  And like Miss Carrie Underwood says,  "Some hearts just get lucky sometimes..."

Happy first-kiss-aversary, Mike....

love. LIFE.

206 pieces of candy.

I'm a little behind on the fun stuff we've been doing here in South Carolina...I can't wait to blog about so much once I get back from Love Affair!

So...we did actually go out trick-or-treating.  I know that my kids thought is was up for debate whether, if ever, we would really go pound the pavement and get a boatload of candy.  We did...206 pieces of candy for each person to be exact.

Every year my kids decide what they want to be and then put together their costumes with stuff around the house.  I think it's really fun to see what they come up with.  This year Emmett decided to be a mad scientist and his costume was hilarious.  He made his hair pretty wild with gel and made his face look like an experiment had blown up in his face.  My very favorite part of his costume has to be the swimming goggles, though.  They totally make the costume!

For the first time...I think, in their entire lives, Miriam and Emma wore the same thing.  I was totally surprised when they said they both wanted to be witches.  Even though they are both witches, it's hard to see, but their costumes are different from each other.  This was also the first year we went out and found costumes at the store for the two of them...not sure we'll be doing that again next year.  Their creative take on costumes from things around the house are way too fun.

Gracie was a princess and she talked Miriam into letting her use the princess costume she got for Christmas.  Gracie made it extra fancy with her jeans that have pink flowers on them, a long sleeved pink shirt, her pink tennis shoes, and a gorgeous crown, necklace, and ring. 

The second the girls arrived home from school they put their costumes on.  By the time Emmett stepped off the bus 20 minutes later they were ready to go around the neighborhood yelling trick-or-treat.  The wait just about killed them, thankfully they made it through the torturous experience.

After going through almost 2/3 of the neighborhood the girls decided to call it quits.  I think the newest thing about this year was that Emmett went trick-or-treating with his friends.  Is he really that old?  Am I really ready for this?  We missed him but I was so glad to have him back with us at the end of the night when all of the kids sat around counting their candy and then dividing it into organized piles of candy by varieties, and then finding new ways to divide their spoils. 

It's amazing that such a simple night can be a favorite of the year.  Just dress up, go from house to house, get candy, come home count it and divide it, and then collapse from exhaustion on the couch.  There's not much more a kid can ask for when they dream of the perfect night.

I'm glad I got to be here for it.

dream. LIFE.

**and yes, that blue color is one of the walls of my new studio...