Boys.
Davina
in LOVE. LIFE. TIPS., Thoughts
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9 Comments
real. boy. life.
Last night Emmett had a huge dissappointment...the first loss during a season with his football team. All of the boys were very sad and all of them knew that they could play better but for some reason just couldn't seem to get their head and their hearts on the same page. It could have been that the game was a last minute make up for bad weather or it could have been the Goliath boys that were on the other team that would make any mom wonder if her son would come out on the other side of the game or if they will be making another trip to the hospital.
No matter what the reason was for the performance of their game there really, truly are more important things than winning a game.
After all of the kids were in bed last night I laid in bed reading "Boys Should Be Boys" by Meg Meeker. (If you don't have this book and you have boys you NEED this book!). Because I was desperate for some help on the matter, of what to say to Emmett after such a devastating game, I knew I had to read before falling off to sleep. I had started to read from the first page a few weeks ago but hadn't picked it back up since then. I checked the index for football and disappointment but didn't find what I needed. I decided to look at the table of contents and was thrilled to see a chapter called "10 things you need to know to raise a boy". Yay!. My favorite thing: LISTS. And a top 10 list to boot.
That top 10 list was just what I needed to read. Emmett is a very sweet boy. He tries hard, likes to do everything well, he tries to be patient, and he watches out for his sisters (even if he does know how to tease them in just the right way). He expects a lot of himself and gets pretty bugged when he performs below his own expectations. He is extremely smart and
is an excellent friend.
One of the things on the top 10 list is: Raise Him From The Inside Out. When I read this tip it was the exact help I was looking for. "He knows that good grades are better than bad, that scoring a touchdown is better than fumbling the ball, that hitting the high note is better than missing it. But he needs to know what you think of him as a person. Do you like what you see beneath the stuff he does--his character, the deeper parts of who he is?"
So...this morning as he sat at the counter with his sisters eating his breakfast before catching the bus that comes wayyy to early at 6:50am I told him about the deeper parts of him, about the stuff that really makes me proud of him, the stuff that matters. I love to see him help his team make a touchdown but what I love seeing even more is that he's nice to the boys on the team that are having a tough time, that he watches out for and protects his sisters, that he loves to learn and works hard to understand things and to help others understand without making them feel less than. I love that he loves God and that he wants to be good. I love that the core of him is sweet, understanding, giving and at the same time all boy, exploring, discovering, and making forts out in the woods.
And even though last night out on that field it was an extremely disappointing night and he felt like crying... I'm happy that he held it in but that when he got home he felt safe enough to share his disappointment and loss and sadness. (Another great point that this book makes is that boys have the 'boy code' that you don't cry in front of your peers. And that's an okay code. It teaches boys self-control and self-mastery. However, they need to feel safe enough once they get home to be able to spill that emotion and know that they can talk about whatever sadness they feel. Reading this last night at midnight and realizing that I have an incredible husband who went in and talked to Emmett in his room and let him feel all the sadness that he was feeling on the field was a gift to me. I was filled with love and gratitude for being blessed with a man who is a special bit of grace as a dad to our kids.)
Emmett is an amazing boy, full of life, emotion, giving, running, jumping, exploring, reading, learning, and love. I'm so glad that he is in my life, that he's made it more full, more wonderful, and more real than it ever would have been with out him.
**I made sure that Emmett was okay with this post before I published it.**
boy. LIFE.
Reader Comments (9)
Davina - You and Mike are such wonderful parents and I love how you keep communication so open both with one another and your kids. What a wonderful example of family and dealing with issues and teaching your children to do the same. You are an encouraging friend and mother!
Emmett - Your Mom is right, you are one rockin' kid with a sweet spirit and the smartest kid I know... I am not just saying that either, I believe it! Winning in life is what really matters and you are doing SUPER at that. Have a fun day Emmett!
Please tell me that you have the COOLEST last name. I don't think a boy could be more intimidating:) I love that no matter how tall or tough boys get, they are soft and squishy on the inside. They are protective of sisters, still cry when they get their hearts hurt and still need their mom's. I have a brother who is growing up way too fast! Thanks for sharing this- you're a great Mom!
Hi Davina! I am a mother of three boys ages three and under, and it was so great to read all of this today. Boy did I have a frustrating day and reading this not only brought a few tears in my eyes (likely because I am pregnant again), but it was what I really needed to read today. Thank you! From reading your blogs entries these past few months, I can tell that you have rare qualities that many parents today don't care to possess- mainly the desire to spend real quality time with your children, which is what our children need the most, right? God bless you , and keep writing. Emmett sounds like such a wonderful sweet boy, and God bless him too. : )
Davina,
This was such a warm and loving post, that tears are just flowing down my cheeks. What a wonderful mother you are to recognize that you needed to know how to help Emmett. And wonderful man-dad, doesn't even begin to describe your dear husband! How blessed your children are to have parents who want the best for their kids and are willing to learn all they need to know to make the life of their children the best it can be.
Thanks so much for sharing this passion of life with others.
Kudos to you all.
I loved this post! I have a son who loves sports, but doesn't always succeed or win. I loved your insight and thoughts on this subject. I made sure to tell him what a great kid he was this morning before he left for school. Thanks again!
What a wonderful post, I also love books with lists and with my two boys, I might just get that book (even if they are only 4 months old) because I want to raise good boys too. You have such a neat family!
I love your posts! You paint me as a very cool guy, although it is probably a bit more cool in a blog than it feels to me in real life. Thanks for all of your kindness and for being an example of a great parent to me over the last 11 years. Thanks for sharing--you are making a difference in people's lives. I think that is pretty stinking cool.
Love,
Mike
Millie, you're awesome! Thanks. And thanks for writing such a sweet note to Emmett. He loved it!
Mikki, I agree. Boys are so wonderful.
Caroline, your sweet comment made my day. I appreciate you taking the time to write. It sounds like you have your days and nights very full. How are you feeling about the possibility of being pregnant. I hope that your day got better.
Carolyn, thank you for you very kinds words. I totally agree that Mike is an amazing dad. We are very lucky!
Jody, I'm sure he went to school on cloud nine even if he didn't say so!
Emily, it will be so worth it to get it while your boys are so little. I know that sounds crazy but you get the chance to get more things right from the start... :)
Mike, thank you for reading my blog! ;) You are a cool guy! you are so good to me... I love you!
Emmett- I am impressed with your kindness. I think your Great Grandpa Emmett would be proud! He was kind and loving just like you! I have 8 football players from our high school team together in one of my Spanish classes. I wish you could be here and be the example of kindness and service they need.