Knock Knock
Who's there?
Althea!
Althea who?
Althea later, alligator!

It's Halloween and everyone's out trick-or-treating. A bartender is working the late-night shift at the bar. He looks outside and sees everyone in crazy costumes. He sighs and picks up a glass and starts cleaning it.

At around midnight, a guy in a vampire costume walks in and sits at the bar. He says to the bartender "Hi. I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."

The bartender looks at him skeptically. "No you're not. You're just wearing a costume."

"No, no, really," he insists. "I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."

"Alright," the bartender says. He goes in the back and comes out with a cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it right away.

"Thanks," he says, and leaves.

An hour later another vampire comes in and sits at the bar. He says "Hi, I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."

"Okay," the bartender says and goes in the back again. He comes out with another cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it and leaves with a 'thanks'.

An hour later a third vampire comes in and sits at the bar. "Hi," he says to to the bartender. "I'm a vam..."

"I know, I know," the bartender interrupts. "You're a vampire and you want a cup of blood right?"

"Um, no," the vampire answers. "I AM a vampire, but I'd just like a glass of hot water please."

"Sure" the bartender says. He pours him a glass of hot water. As he gives it to the vampire he says "You know, there were two vampires that came in before you that wanted blood. How come you're just asking for water?"

Without answering the vampire reaches into his pocket and pulls out a used band-aid.

"Tea time."

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order.

The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich.
The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says "I'll have a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This became a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the bartender."Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large Scotch" says the man. "Same for me" says the ostrich. "That will be $7.20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.

The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found this old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever needed to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money will be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!""That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk, or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

"That's fantastic!" says the bartender. "You are a genius! ... Oh, one other thing sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man replies, "Oh, my second wish was for a chick with long legs."

We made wheat free and half the sugar (Splenda) gingerbread cookies last night. There are some traditions you just can't give up! My son had the best time, and so did we. I feel okay having a bite or two. I'll tell you the secret. Once you don't have any of it, it's easier to pass on most of it. I still do WANT it but sure feel better without it.

Massage today. By a paid professional! :)

Karen, I cannot compete! I thought the joke with the man and the ostrich was a good life lesson. We always strive for more, but usually we have enough.

Davina, maybe you should just declare Karen the winner already! Or we could encourage her to tell us jokes another week! :)

BRING ON THE JOKES!!!!!!

OK, so I have to admit, I'm ok until the Chex mix gets out of the box. And the wine. Seriously, mindless snacks and drink calories, they always seem to get me!!!

Where does a cow eat?

At a calf eteria

what did the dentist say to the marching band?

here's a tuba toothpaste

What did the lawyer name his daughter?

Sue.

What smells funny?

A clown!

what is green and sings?

Elvis Parsley

What do you call a man who was hit in the face with a pie?

Desserted.

What is the difference between a baker and an actor?

One has rolls and one has roles.

what do you call it when a bison makes bread?

BUFFALOAF!

oh heavens, being in KS with bison as a state animal or something, this makes me ROLL with laughter!

what kind of cars do little people drive?

MINI VANS!

why wouldn't the oyster share its pearl?

IT WAS SHELLFISH!

what does the skunk use to call home?

IT'S SMELL-PHONE!

What part of the computer was the elephant scared of?

The mouse