it just pulls you in.

I'm in the middle of reading 'The Soloist' and I'm having a hard time pulling myself away from it. 

It's the story of Nathaniel.  He received a scholarship to Julliard because of his musical genius on the bass.  However, almost any instrument he picks up he can play effortlessly.  He has a promising future.  His peers and professors alike respect him and know that he has a beautiful life ahead of him.

Unfortunately,  Nathaniel begins to have some agressive and abnormal behavior and eventually a mental breakdown.  A short time later he is diagnosed with schizophrenia and his life takes a turn that no one would have ever expected of someone with so much talent and potential...he lives on the street fighting off rats while trying to sleep.

A writer from the L.A. Times discovers him, decides he may be able to write a column about him and before he realizes it Nathaniel has become a major part of  his life.  He's torn between wanting a better mental health care system, helping Nathaniel in some way, his wife and daughter, and keeping his job.

It's a heartbreaking story so far but one I'm so glad that I'm reading.  You will not regret picking it up yourself.  It's a view into a world that is hard to imagine and one that we rarely consider.  It will change your Christmas...for the better.

beautiful. LIFE.

I've got a picture of that... from davina fear on Vimeo

video.

I've had a number of people ask me if there's any way to post the video they've seen at presentations that I've done on my blog.  I finally figured it out.

So, here it is...

blessed. LIFE.

thanks to Val for this image of rosaura!

the change.

Since getting back from Love Affair I've received some really awesome notes from women who are changing their lives and their businesses. I'm amazed that I get to, in a very small way, be part of seeing that change happen. Every time I get one of these letters it moves me, brings me to tears, and thrills me to hear about women who are finding ways to do what they love and at the same time not miss out on the things that make the work meaningful.

I love these letters. I put the in a special folder and keep in touch with these women. I want to hear about how their lives change over time. I see the butterfly emerge from the cocoon and fly away. It's a beautiful and difficult process. It takes sacrifice and taking a personal inventory of what matters and how to make sure this love of creating doesn't take over the people that we love. I admire the women who decide to take that journey. Who they are becoming is really amazing.

Rosaura has written me some beautiful notes and has shared some heartbreaking things with me. She has a reslient spirit and and love to spare. I asked her if I could share some excerpts from her notes because I think there are women out there who are feeling overwhelmed. Hearing her story may help those women to feel some hope. So here goes:

Hi Davina,

You really rocked my world with your sweet and open spirit and your creativity. Your words really affected me and I wanted to let you know some stuff I'm doing.

Well first of all, I love journaling! It has been really helping me process things and quiet down the noise in my head. I just pour it all into my journal and I feel so much better. I've been waking up a little earlier before Gemma wakes up so I can have that little bit of time to do it. I had a good streak going but then the holidays came and I didn't manage to do it but I'm back on track again. :)

I've simplified my life a little more. When I got back from Love Affair, I spoke to the owner of the studio where I teach voice and we discussed helping me balance my life more and focus on family and photography more. It was a tough decision but I/we decided to transfer my students and stop teaching for now. Boy, it was tough to accept that I can't do it all and if I try I'm not doing anything fully, ya know?

Today my husband and I carpooled for the first time with Gemma. We've been taking turns on who takes her into daycare. But I wanted to see if we could spend more family time together - even if it is in the car. I drove and he got to read a little and we chatted a little and Gemma got to see us together and we both played with her a little. We both agreed that we will do this more often. :)

I've started to really watch how much time I spend on the computer. Also started to filter my emails and make folders - this is taking a while but I'm already seeing the benefits.

Tonight my husband and I are going to try 15 minutes of speed cleaning. I get overwhelmed with the mess sometimes and then it makes me procrastinate. So this morning I asked my husband if we could try putting on a timer for 15 minutes and together do some speed cleaning. Who knows, it might even be fun!

So as you can see, there is a lot going on in my life both small and big. And I wanted to thank you for the inspiration to do it. :)

Lots of love to you!

Gratefully, ~r

Rosaura and I have been writing back and forth and I'm thrilled to hear about the life changes she's making and how much happier she is now that she's on a path that speaks to her heart and creative spirit as well.

I know I say it a lot...but that's because it's just plain true!  These women bless my life.  It's an gift to know them. 

Rosaura, you are a beautiful woman...full of fire and zest and passion and amazingness.  You are blessing that sweet little girl and letting her know a happy and fun YOU (I think your bit about carpooling was when I lost it...I was so happy that you had seen that option!).  When you put out into the world that you want a happy, meaningful life all kinds of things start happening to make that a reality.  Thank you for letting me share a piece of you so that other women can break free, too.

reclaim. LIFE.

I love this awesome collage from love affair by Jennifer Longaway.  She was so fun to have at Love Affair!  I love all of the details she found around the W.

Thanks Jennifer!

beautiful. LIFE.

makeover.

So...I thought I'd show you some of the images the girls took of me at Love Affair. 

They totally made my day when I walked out of the airport and they made a huge deal about how skinny I looked and how they could tell that I had lost a lot of weight.  When I got there I was down 15 pounds from the last time that I had seen them.

Before I had arrived Kelly had said that we would have to go clothes shopping because we had both lost weight.  (Kelly has lost more than I have at being down over 20 pounds!  She's also the one that inspired me to get with the program....I'm getting old and I'd like to be around a while.)

Kelly and Brandi talked me into a total makeover.   We went and got my hair cut...short...really short in the back and a tiny bit longer in the front.  I love how easy it is.

Then we went shopping for something cute (not just comfortable).  When I arrived in San Diego the girls said I was wearing jeans that were way too big for me.  Now I'm wearing a size that I had no idea that I'd fit into!  Kelly and Brandi made me swear that I wouldn't wear my lumberjack jeans and shoes ever again.  I did promise but I had planned to keep my comfortable 'lumberjack' shoes because they are perfectly wonderful to wear!  But, I think I accidentally left them in the new shoes box...that I threw away at the W....bummer.

When I got home and had a chance to look at these pictures I was surprised at how thin I look.  I'm so excited.  I'm hoping to go down another 20 pounds but we'll see as I go.  My mom keeps telling me that when you get older (like me) you can't be too skinny or you look even older.  So...I'll be keeping that in mine. :)

How are you doing?  We need to get our monthly contests started again....hmmm...what should the next prize be?

good.  LIFE.